So Michael Phelps got caught doing a bong hit. So a 14-time Olympic Gold Medalist with more pressure on him than the scale on “Biggest Loser” took a hit of weed during a four-month break from swimming. So maybe the guy who graces Wheaties boxes would be more at home fronting “Weedies – Wake and Bake of Champions.” So what?! Yes, that’s right. So what! Like you have any idea what it is to cope with being Michael Phelps. Like you have any idea how to wind up that machine to do what it does against all comers, and win, and then keep yourself human while winding it down. Like you’ve never smoked weed. If you’re reading this, you’re high right now.
The fact that Phelps even apologized for his "youthful behavior," almost strikes me as strange. Smoking weed should not be "youthful behavior," but rather "adult behavior." He's 23. He's an adult. If he wants to do a hit of weed, he should be allowed to do a hit of weed. It's doubtful Phelps is a regular pot-head, and more likely that he only smoked during his four-month break from swimming. He won EIGHT FREAKING GOLD MEDALS at the Beijing Olympics, and now it's time to relax -- just a little?! And say he does smoke weed all the time. SO WHAT? Marijuana is certainly not a performance-enhancing drug. On the contrary, any pot head who gets up the steam necessary to turn off Hogan's Heroes (even if it's just to switch over to Robot Chicken - dude, that show is so high!) to do anything else, let alone swim more races faster than any human in history -- in front of the entire planet -- in a Speedo has my respect. If I'm another swimmer, I'm saying "Thank you, Michael! Take another hit. Anything to let one of the rest of us have a freaking chance at beating you for once -- I'm all for it!"
Let's be honest. Smoking weed is nearly a victimless crime. The only people in danger because of weed are those who suffer the wrath of drug traffickers who must operate in illegality. All the more reason to legalize it. Then, production, distribution and sales all become regulated and as safe as a walked-in run.
And here's more truth: Speedo, Omega, Hilton Hotels, Kellogg's, General Foods, Visa, Power Bar, AT&T, Rosetta Stone, Pure Sport and Swim Room all get this simple fact: no one thinks doing one hit of weed is all that bad. It doesn't tarnish Phelps' image or the image of the sponsor. Answer this: are you more likely, less likely or as likely as you were two weeks ago to purchase any of the products Phelps endorses? I'm betting you are probably saying "as likely as you were two weeks ago," although the truth is that this press is that sort of "any press is good press" press, and Phelps has done nothing more than what those companies want him to do: create a little buzz.
Monday, February 2, 2009
The Cardinals Should Have Won That Game
An anti-climactic headline, perhaps, but it's true. The day after Super Bowl XLIII, I'm left thinking two things, the first of which is, "Man, the Cardinals looked like the Eagles out there," and when one thinks that one has seen the Eagles, or a reasonable facsimile thereof, one is usually also left thinking, "Wow, they should have won that game!"
How did the Cardinals look like the Eagles? With an effective defense that was able to keep them in the game, and a sputtering offense that failed to appear for the first 25 minutes of the game, and then committed cardinal errors (pun totally intended!) at the absolute worst times, like, say on first and goal from the two with 18 seconds remaining in the half, and then again with fifteen seconds left in the game, when the Cardinal front line simply did not protect their man.
On top of that, the officiating crew may well have ended the game on an incomplete pass. You don't take two minutes to review the last meaningful play of the SUPER BOWL?! If I'm the commissioner, I tell the crew: do not end the game on a judgement call. Let the players settle it. If it's close, err on the side of play.
I'm not blaming Kurt Warner; there's not a lot more he could have done -- and yeah, yeah, "Hall of Fame quarterback, blah, blah, blah." But it was a terrible decision by Warner to throw that ball straight into the arms of James Harrison. (Hats off to James Harrison, who I'm told, has overcome great adversity. I looked it up and I have to agree: being the first president to die in office can be a set-back to one's Super Bowl aspirations. Good work, James!) And not a great decision by Warner to allow himself to be playfully cast aside on the run-back of said errant throw. As my friend Marc aptly said, "That's a 14-point turnaround. If the Cardinals score on that series, they go into halftime up 14-10" and receiving the ball in the third quarter, I'll add. And add to that: first and goal from the two with 18 seconds! You've got three plays at least -- and there's no way you want to come away (an underdog, mind you) with less than a field goal in this situation. Awful play. Cost the game.
Of course, both my and Marc's expert analysis came at game's end, too late to do any good. Oh, and I also hear, too late, that it was William Harrison who did the Oval Office Deep Six, contrary to James' Tampa Bay Pick Six, for which he'll reap returns during contract negotiations to rival those of the not-so-famous McKinley Tax Act, enacted by William's grand-son, president Benjamin Harrison. But I digress.
The Cardinals should have won that game!
Like the Eagles in the NFC Championship Game, the Cards failed to show for the first half. See, that could be another headline:
CARDS FAIL TO SHOW
And it's apt because it may have been the Cardinals plan to "hide" Larry Fitzgerald during the first half, and then surprise the Steelers with him in the second half. Now, I can't believe Arizona would do that -- that's just stupid. But the Eagles do stupid stuff, like not double-covering Larry Fitzgerald; if the Cardinals are impersonating the Eagles, maybe they do stupid stuff, too! Either way, Fitzgerald was almost the MVP of this game, and definitely appears to be on his way down a long road to Canton if he continues to play the way he did this season. And he appeared fully ready, when the ball was thrown his way, to single-handedly take this game away from the Pittsburgh Steelers. Instead, a final-seconds interception left that dream unfulfilled.
Cardinals should have won that game.
Not to take anything away, of course, from the SIXTH TIME NFL SUPER BOWL CHAMPION, PITTSBURGH STEELERS. Ben Roethlisberger was stellar. A big man, who carried the team's destiny on his shoulders. Santonio Holmes' catch to put the Steelers ahead for good was a Lynn Swan caliber moment. His headline could be:
HOLMES DELIVERS K.O. BLOW
STEELERS WIN RECORD SIXTH SUPER BOWL
Here are some other potential headlines that crossed the shallow waters of my stream of consciousness:
If you're in Phoenix:
STEEL CURTAIN CALL FOR WARNER
Cards QB loses encore Super Bowl
If you're in Pittsburgh:
BEN AGAIN!
Steelers Win Second Super Bowl in Four Years Behind Roethlisberger
If you're me:
EAGLES FAIL TO WIN SUPER BOWL BY FAILING TO BEAT THE CARDINALS IN NFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
or, simply:
CARDINALS SHOULDA WON THAT GAME
How did the Cardinals look like the Eagles? With an effective defense that was able to keep them in the game, and a sputtering offense that failed to appear for the first 25 minutes of the game, and then committed cardinal errors (pun totally intended!) at the absolute worst times, like, say on first and goal from the two with 18 seconds remaining in the half, and then again with fifteen seconds left in the game, when the Cardinal front line simply did not protect their man.
On top of that, the officiating crew may well have ended the game on an incomplete pass. You don't take two minutes to review the last meaningful play of the SUPER BOWL?! If I'm the commissioner, I tell the crew: do not end the game on a judgement call. Let the players settle it. If it's close, err on the side of play.
I'm not blaming Kurt Warner; there's not a lot more he could have done -- and yeah, yeah, "Hall of Fame quarterback, blah, blah, blah." But it was a terrible decision by Warner to throw that ball straight into the arms of James Harrison. (Hats off to James Harrison, who I'm told, has overcome great adversity. I looked it up and I have to agree: being the first president to die in office can be a set-back to one's Super Bowl aspirations. Good work, James!) And not a great decision by Warner to allow himself to be playfully cast aside on the run-back of said errant throw. As my friend Marc aptly said, "That's a 14-point turnaround. If the Cardinals score on that series, they go into halftime up 14-10" and receiving the ball in the third quarter, I'll add. And add to that: first and goal from the two with 18 seconds! You've got three plays at least -- and there's no way you want to come away (an underdog, mind you) with less than a field goal in this situation. Awful play. Cost the game.
Of course, both my and Marc's expert analysis came at game's end, too late to do any good. Oh, and I also hear, too late, that it was William Harrison who did the Oval Office Deep Six, contrary to James' Tampa Bay Pick Six, for which he'll reap returns during contract negotiations to rival those of the not-so-famous McKinley Tax Act, enacted by William's grand-son, president Benjamin Harrison. But I digress.
The Cardinals should have won that game!
Like the Eagles in the NFC Championship Game, the Cards failed to show for the first half. See, that could be another headline:
CARDS FAIL TO SHOW
And it's apt because it may have been the Cardinals plan to "hide" Larry Fitzgerald during the first half, and then surprise the Steelers with him in the second half. Now, I can't believe Arizona would do that -- that's just stupid. But the Eagles do stupid stuff, like not double-covering Larry Fitzgerald; if the Cardinals are impersonating the Eagles, maybe they do stupid stuff, too! Either way, Fitzgerald was almost the MVP of this game, and definitely appears to be on his way down a long road to Canton if he continues to play the way he did this season. And he appeared fully ready, when the ball was thrown his way, to single-handedly take this game away from the Pittsburgh Steelers. Instead, a final-seconds interception left that dream unfulfilled.
Cardinals should have won that game.
Not to take anything away, of course, from the SIXTH TIME NFL SUPER BOWL CHAMPION, PITTSBURGH STEELERS. Ben Roethlisberger was stellar. A big man, who carried the team's destiny on his shoulders. Santonio Holmes' catch to put the Steelers ahead for good was a Lynn Swan caliber moment. His headline could be:
HOLMES DELIVERS K.O. BLOW
STEELERS WIN RECORD SIXTH SUPER BOWL
Here are some other potential headlines that crossed the shallow waters of my stream of consciousness:
If you're in Phoenix:
STEEL CURTAIN CALL FOR WARNER
Cards QB loses encore Super Bowl
If you're in Pittsburgh:
BEN AGAIN!
Steelers Win Second Super Bowl in Four Years Behind Roethlisberger
If you're me:
EAGLES FAIL TO WIN SUPER BOWL BY FAILING TO BEAT THE CARDINALS IN NFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
or, simply:
CARDINALS SHOULDA WON THAT GAME
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