ABC News Does A Sh**ty Job on This One

"ABC NEWS ONLY LIES" would not be an appropriate headline for a news story or for this article -- because the truth is that, even though it is true that in 1994, ABC News reporter Cokie Roberts did stand in front of a picture of the U.S. Capitol and falsely claim that she was live on Capitol Hill when she was actually in the ABC News studio lying to the world about where she was, we cannot endict the entirety of ABC News past, present and future for one lie. So, it's equally irresponsible for ABC News to run a headline (http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/story?id=4365942&page=1) saying "Reformer: Trial Will Reveal 'Cesspool' of Obama's Allies" atop this story. Let's break down this F-minus of a headline word-by-word. "Reformer." Good. There is a reformer. His name is Jay Stewart. He's the main voice of the story. The colon after his name suggests that he said what follows. F. He didn't say that a "trial will reveal (a) cesspool of Obama's Allies." Not even close. But let's keep going. "Trial." Good. There is a trial coming up for Tony Rezko, a man who has made contributions to the Obama campaign -- contributions which the ABC News story itself says Obama has since donated to charity. "Will." Just says something is going to happen. No problem. And hopefully, a the end result of a trial is that it does "reveal" something. But what? Here comes trouble, ABC News editors. "'Cesspool'" in quotes. Nevermind that you already used a colon, suggesting that everything that follows was said by the person named before the colon -- kind of like wearing a tie-bar with a button-down -- or a belt and suspenders; don't need 'em both. Putting the word "cesspool" in a quote within a quote tells us that ABC News admits that this is the only word the quoted source, Stewart actually used. Did he use it the way the rest of the headline continues? "'Cesspool'" of Obama's Allies." First, the story never fully establishes that Rezko is or was an Obama Ally. They worked together, sure. I'll concede that. The ABC News story itself reports that Obama called bringing Rezko in on the deal, “a boneheaded move.” (This is the same ABC News story that says that Obama has been “silent” on the issue of corruption in Illinois politics. A quote from Obama commenting on Rezko suggests the opposite of silence, even if the quote came before the campaign. ABC News does not put a date on Obama’s quote.) That word “cesspool.” To me, it suggests something big, comprised of many components. A political cesspool would have a lot of corrupt people in it. This story, however, talks only about one man facing trial: Rezko. The story never even suggests that Obama has had any dealings with anyone under suspicion for anything other than Rezko – a man whose contributions, according to the ABC News story itself, Obama has donated to charity rather than accept. Does the word “cesspool” denote “Rezko” or did the man who said it, Stewart, mean something else? Something that may include Rezko, but not only Rezko? I think so. After all, the ABC News story itself quotes Stewart as saying “We have a sick political culture…” Did he mean “we, the people of Illinois,” “we, the people of the United States,” or “we, the people of the world?” ABC News never clarifies. Stewart is, however the spokesman for the Chicago Better Government Association, so I’ll assume he means, “we the people of Chicago.” So, the news is that a political activist in Chicago, focusing on Chicago politics, sees a lot of corruption in his city, and that one of the allegedly corrupt people had dealings with – and contributed to the campaign of a presidential candidate, who has since called those dealings “boneheaded” and has donated the contributions to charity. Is that a “’Cesspool of Obama’s Allies?” Next word. “Of.” It may be small, but it’s mighty. A preposition, as I understand it, shows a physical or abstract relationship between things in a sentence. “The book is on the table.” “I am under the weather.” “…’Cesspool of Obama’s Allies.” The headline suggests that there is a relationship between the “cesspool” and the object of the preposition, “allies” – that the “cesspool” is made up of “allies,” in this case, a particular kind of “allies” identified by the modifying proper noun “’Obama’s’ allies.” To quote Gary Cole in “Office Space, “Umm, yeaaaaaah.” Here’s the problem. ABC News is reporting about a one-man ‘cesspool,’ Rezko, which is not the same thing as the “cesspool” with which Stewart is honorably concerned, the densely populated ‘cesspool’ of Chicago politics, of which Rezko is allegedly a significant component, and a component with which Obama has clearly, according to the ABC News story itself, broken any would-be ties, declared them “boneheaded,” and has donated all related contributions to charity. So, is it that there is only one piece of *&@# in Chicago’s political cesspool? Unlikely. As unlikely as it is that there is only one piece of *&@# in the ABC News archives, or stinking up the banks of news media in general.

SAMMY GETS TO STAY

Visitors to this page have seen images of the various members of my family, which I consider to be of the highest order of earthly blessings. It is a family I know I deserve, albeit for reasons I find myself unable to name. Insofar as it is true that as we walk life's brief, circuitous path, we and our families seek and find one another, I must believe that the intersection of "Sammy and Me" arose one afternoon where Wilmington and 124th Streets of L.A.'s Watt's section conspired some greater arrangement than either of us knew, and our family has benefitted immeasurably. "Slammin Sammy" is the second great dog to introduce himself to the adult version of me. Our family was five for nearly two years, but rest you, with Sasha's passing,
the canine component of the clan is well-in-paw.

You will eventually read all about the Sammy saga in the forthcoming children's book, "Sammy Gets to Stay." It is a follow-up to "Sasha Gets to Sail," a story for which I've just recently completed the illustrations, and hope to make available for reading, and purchase on this page. You may notice the allusion to this title in Sasha's obituary, "Sasha Gets to Heaven." The third story in the series -- "Sasha and Sammy See America" -- will be about our cross-country drive of a couple of summers ago, during which Sammy encountered skunks, barked at bison (until one wandered into our campsite), and cowered (along with Sasha) from howling wolves. "Sasha and Sammy Get Involved" is also planned, to teach how kids (and grown-ups) can participate in environmental and animal causes.

DUCK CHENEY, FIRST EDITION

Yeah, it's stupid. I just couldn't believe no one had thought of this sooner. It'll either get better, or just go away, like the abomination of a public servant himself. Unfortunately, you have to click on it in order to read it. I'm still learning about the world of computer graphics, to say nothing of elementary art.

TheCoxSection Slips Under ESPN Radar

During their lively banter on ESPN Radio Saturday morning, show host John Stashio and Mel Kiper, Jr. (right, with coif) lamented their perception that "all this talk about Roger Clemens and steroids" can produce no good, and has taken sports fans' attention away from the game itself.

Aside from my belief that the Mitchell report and subsequent congressional hearings can and will produce some good -- if only the reluctance of players to engange in what still amounts to cheating for fear of winding up having one's career, life and, as we now see, wife prosecuted in national media -- there are also those of us who still have our heads in the game.

"Nobody is talking about the fact that pitchers and catchers report February 13th," Kiper said.

Mel, Mel, Mel. If only you'd read TheCoxSection's February 8, 2008 entry, (below) you'd have seen that at least one media outlet has its eye on the ball. Apparently, this 98-mile-an-hour fastball of a blog slips under ESPN's radar gun. Swing and a-you-miss-out on what's important if you don't read TheCoxSection every day. Okay, I've had a couple, and I'm self-aggrandizing, but I have to admit, I did feel a little bit on my high horse after hearing Stashio and Kiper (Jr.) say what they said and then think to myself, "I said it, fellas, I said it."

Having said that I said that, let me say this:

I think it's too bad that Kiper (the younger) posed the rhetorical question "what good can possibly come of these hearings?" Stashio acquiesced, and harmonized, "None." After seven years of dealing with a president who has seen fit to place himself above somewhere around 1,100 laws, by issuing signing statements excusing himself from following the law passed by congress, I hear people saying, "Just let it go. He'll be out of there, soon." Naturally, the appropriate response is, (with apologies to all members of Queen, living or otherwise), "Bismillah! No, we will not let him go!" Eternal vigilance is the price of freedom -- and of the integrity of the Great American Pasttime. So wherever there are baseball players who would break the rules for personal gain, and owners and a commissioner who would turn a blind eye for the sake of financial profit, I say, "Let the gavels mete out whatever semblance of justice can be felt just by knowing that someone is paying attention." Goodnight.

TALK ABOUT CUSTOMIZATION!

Hi, Colin. Thanks for stopping in and checking out The Cox Section. I hope you're impressed by the customized articles. This one's for you. I figure if I can write one for everyone with Internet access, I'll accumulate quite a readership. But honestly, there's a lot still to do here; I feel like one of the castaways on "Lost," who has just survived the crash and now finds himself in this strange new world, and has only had time to throw up a quick tarp for shelter. I'll get to the finer points of decoration and functionality soon. For now, I've got to hunt boar and figure out a way to crack coconuts. Like "Lost," you can see "The Cox Section" free on-line, without a dime going to the guy writing it. I'll be seeing you for lunch. Till then, thanks again for checking in on my humble beginnings.
The Editor

COMING SOON
The Adventures of Duck Cheney comic strip
COMING EVEN SOONER?
Pitchers & Catchers report Feb. 13, 14.

A-HEAD-LINE OF MY TIME

Since no one is ever going to pay me one dime to actually play any professional sport, I am relegated to that position on any team of any sport, reserved for he who knows more about the game than anyone, but whose wisdom is of absolutely no utility: the Monday Morning Quarterback.
An often overlooked component of the MMQ job description, however, is that one which requires the MMQ to neatly and clearly summarize the previous day's event in giant, bold newstype in the form of a headline.
So, in the moments after yesterday's Super Bowl, what was your headline?

"GIANTS WIN" ?

"PATRIOTS LOSE" ?

It just so happens that I have put a few minutes of thought into it, and here's what I've come up with. See whether you see this anywhere else. I admit, I do think it's pretty good.

(Over a photo of Eli Manning throwing his improbable game-saving pass to David Tyree, Eli's jersey number "10" prominent in the shot)

A PERFECT 10

Eli Manning Leads Giants to Super Bowl Victory, Foils Patriots' Attempt at 19-0

I haven't started scouring other media yet today to read their headlines, but that's mine. Feel free to contribute yours.

SUPER BOWL XLII COVERAGE: HOW DO YA HANDLE A HUNGRY MAN?

You feed him during the Super Bowl. And while I do have a prediction for the game, I believe it is much more important -- and relevant -- to create the perfect "Supper Bowl Menu" than to perfectly evaluate team rosters. To wit, here is my menu for the game:

Appetizers:
Bill Belichick's Mix
Osi Umenyio-rings

Soup:
Clam Chowder. Your choice between New England or Manhattan.

Main Course:
Boston Baked Beans
Eli Manning-wiches (I made "Manningwiches" for last year's Supper Bowl feast in honor of Peyton Manning. I figured, this year, I'd do it again, only they're a little smaller and not as good.)

Drinks:
Bruschis (Sam Adams Boston Lager is a house favorite).

I haven't thought about dessert yet. For last year's Colts-Bears game, I served Indian-apple pie and warmed Bear-claws a la mode.

Now, as far as the game goes: I believe my esteemed football-analyst/buddy Blayne offered the most cogent prediction: "Either the Patriots will blow 'em out, or the Giants will just squeak past 'em." So, really, Blayne, when you break it down, you believe that ultimately one of these two teams is going to win this game.

But I see your point. While the Patriots stayed perfect in week 17 with a 38-35 win over the Giants, the Giants showed that they can play tough defense and give themselves the opportunity to compete. Keeping their offensive strategy on the conservative side, and going to a hurry-up offense also put the G-men in a position to win the game. What they came away with was confidence, much more important than a week 17 "W" when they were going to the playoffs anyway.
So here's the thing: The Patriots have something like 653 Super Bowl rings among them, while the several of the Giants sport fake Rolexes that they bought from a guy in front of Penn Station.
Without the two-week gas-fest between the Conference Championship Games and the Super Bowl, the Giants' momentum might keep them in this game. That inertia may be gone. And with so much experience on their side, it's tough to bet against New England. New York has had two whole weeks to get inside their own heads and psych themselves out. Eli has won some big games, but this game has overwhelmed better than he.

And oh, yeah, the Patriots cheat.

I can hear you now: "So maybe the Patriots videotaped a few defensive signals during games. The players still have to execute. Besides, everyone does it; this is obviously just a case of sour grapes. Jealousy! They didn't really do anything so bad." And maybe they didn't. They did, however, provoke the league to fine coach Belichick a half-million dollars, fine the team an additional quarter million, and take away a draft pick. Now that tapes have apparently been destroyed by the NFL (to the chagrin of U.S. Senator Arlen Specter (R)Pa.), we may never know the true extent or veracity of the signal stealing scandal. Right now, Barry Bonds wishes he were playing for the New York Giants, and not the ones in San Francisco, under a league commissioner who isn't as "pro-active" in protecting the giants of the game.

Bottom Line.

The two week wait is too long. The Patriots have too much experience; the Giants too little, Eli may not be completely overwhelmed, but if coach Tom Coughlin further simplifies the game for his junior QB by throwing shorter passes and running more often, New York simply won't generate enough offense to score enough points to win (and New England -- and Tom Brady in particular -- makes very few mistakes, so the door for defensive and special teams scoring by the Giants is way too tight to help their cause.) And even with the formidable New York Giant defense coming at Tom Brady, he's too cool under pressure, and did I mention Belichick and company have had TWO WEEKS to come up with new stuff that the Giants won't be ready for?

Pats by 14: 38-24.

P.S. Regarding Spygate, some people argue that bygones are bygones, and that you must hate the deed, not the men. Otherwise it would be like blaming the New England Patriots -- and not the officials who made the call -- for the Tuck Rule victory that has put the Oakland Raiders franchise in a virtual tailspin ever since. Right, Blayne?

P.P.S. All that having been said, I am going out to a Super Bowl party and will not be serving the menu described above. So just like my Super Bowl prediction, it sounds pretty palatable, but we should always remember that things rarely turn out the way we plan.

Enjoy Tom Petty.